A Most Odious Affair

Don't you love leaving work after a needlessly long day, only to be confronted by celebrity culture and human feces.


Walking past Elaine's at 10 PM is an awful experience, as desperate people wait in line to be served diner food by never weres and not quotes. But we all have our failings, though I certainly thumb my nose at theirs.


Even  Worse than the usual gaggle of people were the limos parked just outside. Everyone waited with great anticipation as to who would emerge. Would they be famous, would they be able to steal a loathesome selfie they squeezed into with the uncaring famous person to pretend for a scant moment their lives were better and full of meaning? God, I hope not.


Moving past this sad statement on modern life, I head through the second block to the subway station and aside from nearly being thrown down a flight of concrete stairs from the embrace of sad lovers, I arrive at the station to wait three minutes for the train.


It was here, I found where a human being took a shit. The feces was I mistakenly human, say three to four inches long with solid compact and girth. To be fair, the mahogany colored log was fairly impressive, especially for someone with a diet restricted by income. But just near the, ever present, puddle of urine was the glistening, fresh dump, waiting to disgust all passersby. And despite the fact I just walked past fresh, human excrement disposed in an unsanitary way, I was less disgusted than I was by the desperate lookieloos I walked past to find the steaming dump to send me off on my voyage him.